The Balcony

I think I could have gone flower crazy. After living in our dark apartment in Seattle, I was so excited to have access to light and fresh air. I have always remembered Germany as having lots of flowers everywhere and I was determined to try and add my contribution. Plus, it was so peaceful and relaxing to come home from the hospital and play in dirt organizing flowers. Now it is turning cold and certain flowers are starting to die off, but I am already planning which ones I will plant for next year. By the third summer here I might just look like a German house after all.

Am I done yet

So today I had a mock graduation... not one of those meaningful, I'll remember this forever moments in life. However, it did mark the finish of my "playing nurse" and means that next time I walk onto the ward, I will be the actual nurse. When I sign my name on a chart I will be claiming responsibility for that patient. It was Aug 2002 when the first seeds of this nurse life began. I was in the hospital with my mother on a three day stint. It was the first time my mom was told her cancer was terminal. I remember how one of the nurses was doing a terrible job and I had the thought "I could do a better job than her". Then the next day, another nurse came on shift and she was great. I saw how the nurse's had immense influence on how a day transpired for the patients. They could make a day or ruin a day. I kept thinking about the two different approaches of nursing. It took several months of these thoughts percolating before I actually uttered the words, that maybe I wanted to become a nurse. I remember telling my mom and her laughing because she knew how much I hated blood, guts and pretty much anything to do with medical issues. Still, without even knowing it she taught me how to be the best nurse possible. I wish she could know that I actually carried through with the thought. It's taken 8 years for my "nurse" reality to unfold and I hope that in honor of my mom and all that she taught me I will always strive to be like that second nurse, the better nurse.

Wanted: Visitors

One of our favorite things about the house is the fireplace. The first week we lived here, we camped out on the floor in front of it. We had no furniture so the built in bench on the side came in quite handy. As much as I liked having a fire to come home to, I am not quite ready for it to be so cold that we have to start one already. Yet, the weather does not seem to care how I feel and by this weekend I am sure we will have a cozy fire to sit and drink tea in front of once again. Fires do make the winter seem enticing and just looking at the picture makes me excited for snow with all the sledding and skiing, the mittens and scarves. But mostly I posted the picture to advertise... it's nice and cozy at our house, so feel free to book your next vacation here!

When we first arrived in Germany, the hotel we stayed at, had a strict no pets policy. Seeing as how we came on New Years Eve we did not have a place our cats could stay. Leaving them in their kennel outside the hotel was an option but I am sure they would have frozen due to the fact that they are mostly indoor cats. Therefore we went with option number two and smuggle the cats in and out of the room. The hotel also had rules regarding the cleaning schedule, so we could only refuse their services every other day. I am sure this rule originated because of people like us This picture shows how we ended up transporting our cats in and out of the hotel, and yes both cats are in the bag. Luckily we found a shelter a few days later and were able to kennel the cats until we moved into our house a month later.

Sleep

Sleep has always been my coping mechanism, except the year my Mother died, then sleep let me down big time. I think I learned at an early age that there were only two activities in life that I could participate in that my mom would not disturb me from in order to run around the house finding her things. You see, we had a huge house, and for some reason all the items my mom used on a daily basis seemed to be spread out. It would never fail that as soon as I got back from retrieving whatever item she was in want of, settled back into whatever activity I had been called away from. I would here the dreaded Abbie, or if I was too slow.... Abigail. Except when I managed to disappear into the dream world. The other place of sanctuary happened to be sitting on the toilet. Since a person can really only stay sitting on the toilet or on the floor near the toilet for so long, I often opted for dream world. Plus, thanks to my Father, I inherited amazing dreams. Usually not scary and most definitely entertaining. Soon, I taught myself that sleep was not just a good way to get out of work but a good way to avoid the stresses in life. So when life would get stressful, I would fall asleep. It wasn't unheard of for me to come home, fall asleep and 72 hours later, wake up in a slightly confused and more than hungry state, as well as with an urgency to run for the bathroom. All this to say, it was no surprise when I came home from work today and immediately hit the couch to sink into a dream filled state. To say it was a horrible day would be an understatement. I think I have a realistic perspective when it comes to being a new nurse. I know that learning all the ins and outs of the trade is not easy, but if I have too many days like this one, I am not sure I will even make it on the typical five year RN burn out roster, let alone a retirement plan. So here's to hoping that as I move from the uncomfortable coach to the very comfy bed, I will wake up on Monday, having forgotten how bad today was and ready to go back and try it all again.

Thank goodness for sleep!

Schedules

I am learning quickly that scheduling is hugely important in life. I have always been a spontaneous person in that when I get an idea, I immediately want to carry out whatever that idea is. Sadly I have never been good at waiting or the whole "patience" concept in general. But now I am finding that if I wait till the last minute for an idea to pop into my head, there is no one around to actually carry out the idea with. I can't look at a picture of Spain and think "oh, lets go this weekend", I have to think "hmmm, maybe if all the details come together and I can request a four day in two months and Dan can switch with someone to get four days, we could possibly go". I think this concept will take a little getting used to. I keep getting told that I need to put in my planned leave on the schedule book because only 10% of staff can be on leave at any one time. I keep thinking how in the world do I know when I want to take leave next year, I can't think that far ahead. What if I put down leave for June and then I find out something much more fun and exciting is going to happen in July, and I am already committed to June. I am realizing that my lack of patience also may be mixed with my commitment phobia self. It's crazy that such a silly thing like schedules can bring out the weakness in my psych. Who knows maybe in three years I will be an organized super planner. That is what is fun about life, it constantly changes who you think you are. So when I get bored of sitting at home alone because I failed to plan far enough in advance to actually have others around to travel and enjoy time with, I will learn to be diligent and look ahead at the calendar.

Aches

So it seems that the German bakeries are finally catching up with me. Although I am happy to have made it six months before having to face this reality. Not having a full length mirror may have helped prolong the realization that an intervention was imminent. Yesterday I decided it was time and finally gave into my friend who has been begging me to accompany her to spin. I have spent a great deal, well ok, a moderate amount of effort avoiding spin the last ten years. I remember my first encounter, walking by a room with a funny, stuffy smell and a loud annoying lady trying to be heard over what could only be classified as the bad version of techno, telling people to stand, sit, sprint or hover. All the while sweat pouring and legs flying... around and around and around. After the shock of what I had just witnessed wore off, I scuddled away hoping to never encounter such a sight again. Like most things i wish to avoid in life, it did not go away and over the years i have had to say no to many friends crazy enough to think it would be a great idea to go. I hardly like biking in the great outdoors with wonderful smells, gentle breezes and beautiful scenery. Why would i bike to go nowhere while still being yelled at to speed up. Now that the time has come and I have given in I still believe my previous held beliefs are true, pure agony! Yet, I am sure I will return. Of course that will be after I am able to sit and stand again without some outside help. The lesson really is... stay away from German bakeries so that you do not have to take such drastic measures in the first place!