Sleep

Sleep has always been my coping mechanism, except the year my Mother died, then sleep let me down big time. I think I learned at an early age that there were only two activities in life that I could participate in that my mom would not disturb me from in order to run around the house finding her things. You see, we had a huge house, and for some reason all the items my mom used on a daily basis seemed to be spread out. It would never fail that as soon as I got back from retrieving whatever item she was in want of, settled back into whatever activity I had been called away from. I would here the dreaded Abbie, or if I was too slow.... Abigail. Except when I managed to disappear into the dream world. The other place of sanctuary happened to be sitting on the toilet. Since a person can really only stay sitting on the toilet or on the floor near the toilet for so long, I often opted for dream world. Plus, thanks to my Father, I inherited amazing dreams. Usually not scary and most definitely entertaining. Soon, I taught myself that sleep was not just a good way to get out of work but a good way to avoid the stresses in life. So when life would get stressful, I would fall asleep. It wasn't unheard of for me to come home, fall asleep and 72 hours later, wake up in a slightly confused and more than hungry state, as well as with an urgency to run for the bathroom. All this to say, it was no surprise when I came home from work today and immediately hit the couch to sink into a dream filled state. To say it was a horrible day would be an understatement. I think I have a realistic perspective when it comes to being a new nurse. I know that learning all the ins and outs of the trade is not easy, but if I have too many days like this one, I am not sure I will even make it on the typical five year RN burn out roster, let alone a retirement plan. So here's to hoping that as I move from the uncomfortable coach to the very comfy bed, I will wake up on Monday, having forgotten how bad today was and ready to go back and try it all again.

Thank goodness for sleep!

Schedules

I am learning quickly that scheduling is hugely important in life. I have always been a spontaneous person in that when I get an idea, I immediately want to carry out whatever that idea is. Sadly I have never been good at waiting or the whole "patience" concept in general. But now I am finding that if I wait till the last minute for an idea to pop into my head, there is no one around to actually carry out the idea with. I can't look at a picture of Spain and think "oh, lets go this weekend", I have to think "hmmm, maybe if all the details come together and I can request a four day in two months and Dan can switch with someone to get four days, we could possibly go". I think this concept will take a little getting used to. I keep getting told that I need to put in my planned leave on the schedule book because only 10% of staff can be on leave at any one time. I keep thinking how in the world do I know when I want to take leave next year, I can't think that far ahead. What if I put down leave for June and then I find out something much more fun and exciting is going to happen in July, and I am already committed to June. I am realizing that my lack of patience also may be mixed with my commitment phobia self. It's crazy that such a silly thing like schedules can bring out the weakness in my psych. Who knows maybe in three years I will be an organized super planner. That is what is fun about life, it constantly changes who you think you are. So when I get bored of sitting at home alone because I failed to plan far enough in advance to actually have others around to travel and enjoy time with, I will learn to be diligent and look ahead at the calendar.

Aches

So it seems that the German bakeries are finally catching up with me. Although I am happy to have made it six months before having to face this reality. Not having a full length mirror may have helped prolong the realization that an intervention was imminent. Yesterday I decided it was time and finally gave into my friend who has been begging me to accompany her to spin. I have spent a great deal, well ok, a moderate amount of effort avoiding spin the last ten years. I remember my first encounter, walking by a room with a funny, stuffy smell and a loud annoying lady trying to be heard over what could only be classified as the bad version of techno, telling people to stand, sit, sprint or hover. All the while sweat pouring and legs flying... around and around and around. After the shock of what I had just witnessed wore off, I scuddled away hoping to never encounter such a sight again. Like most things i wish to avoid in life, it did not go away and over the years i have had to say no to many friends crazy enough to think it would be a great idea to go. I hardly like biking in the great outdoors with wonderful smells, gentle breezes and beautiful scenery. Why would i bike to go nowhere while still being yelled at to speed up. Now that the time has come and I have given in I still believe my previous held beliefs are true, pure agony! Yet, I am sure I will return. Of course that will be after I am able to sit and stand again without some outside help. The lesson really is... stay away from German bakeries so that you do not have to take such drastic measures in the first place!